shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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