I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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