STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
