i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
