Can i not drive my cunt home
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
