I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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