and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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