does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
