So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
