I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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