Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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