I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
