He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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