My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
