For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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