this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
