She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
