I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
