I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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