How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
