No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
