True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
