Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
