I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
