Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
