I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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