Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
