he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
