I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
