...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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