He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
