Do you still have your period?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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