You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
