i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
