I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
