I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have peed in a lot of sinks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
