dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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