how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
