I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
