The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
