i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
