hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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