I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
