i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
