i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
