im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
