Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Houston, we have a squirter
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
