Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
