i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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