Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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