Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
