who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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